A letter to my first child..

Dearest love,

First, I love you beyond words. I love your sweet personality with the side of spice you add. I love your tender heart and that it keeps me in check. I love that you forgive even when, gosh darn it, I really don't deserve it. I love that you ask me the same silly question every night before you go to sleep. 

Now for the difficult part. I'm sorry. You are our first baby and we are learning. We are worried that if we don't do enough you'll turn out wrong! We wanted perfection from you.. wanted you to walk before the other babies, to talk, to behave the very best.. and then after I had another baby I realized those were just unreal expectations. And you love me anyway. I panicked when it wasn't going how I thought, I disciplined when I should have just loved ya anyway. I hope you know I'm learning and I'm sorry you're my learning curve. 

I have now realized that even though you may not do things at lightning speed or like the baby I see on Facebook, you are my perfection. You have so many awesome, different, perfect aspects that I just love. I wish I would have just known to love you like that when you were growing. 

I'll keep you safe and loved. That's my promise ❤️ don't doubt for a second you'll be sitting in timeout if you need it but I've gotten better at doing discipline how you need it. How you will learn from it. Even if I have to summon patience from the inner depths of my soul. I'll do it for you. I'll let you be crazy and wild and take time out of my day to play with you and watch you be captain America and check out all the things you color. 

Most of all I will let you do things at your speed. I'll remind you to take a risk and take on a challenge and be here when you need me. You'll forever be my baby even though you are growing up so much faster than I thought possible. I can see now I need to customize my parenting for you. So here's to you! Here's to all the firsts we have yet to have and this crazy adventure we get to be on together. Let's keep it wild. 

I love you, bubba. This life is so much better now that you're in the world. 

Love, Mama

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